My healing journey was a process. There were many variables of my healing journey. The first step of chipping at the wall was admitting I needed healing in my life. Once I was able to be honest with myself than the process could begin. So, I knew with every inch of my being and soul I needed to sever a relationship once and for all and begin the process of healing. See this relationship, God never intended me to be in it. I can remember the day God sent a sister in Christ to warn me about this relationship I had entered. And I will never forget what was said to me and how I foolishly ignored the warning. See I was in the church, and I was serving Christ. But I started seeing an old friend and as we spent time together, we grew on each other. No one knew about this friend who is now becoming someone I really grew to care about on another level. No one knew about him because it was so new, and we were just enjoying each other’s company. Plus, I was in the church, and he was not. So, I did not share about this person who was igniting this thing in me. This feeling I had not felt in a long time. Somehow, he made feel alive again. But as we know the saying, “just because something feels good does not mean it’s good."
God use my sister in Christ Jessica Sanchez in such a mighty way, and I could not even see it. As I was walking out of mid-week service and I made it to the front steps of the church, Jessica was walking up. When she saw me, she gasped and said, “Myra, I need to talk with you. I cannot believe I am seeing you right now. God has put in my heart to tell you. That you are seeing someone, and you must stop talking to him right now. He is not a good man. The tears you cried for your husband will not compare to the tears you will cry because of this man. (I suffered greatly with my ex husband and it was a type of pain I did not want to ever feel again. To think I would bear something even worse?) You need to stop talking to him right now. No matter how hard it is for you and how much you want to talk to him. You must stop talking to him right now.” I can remember looking at her and being so utterly surprised. I knew it was from God because how would she know? No one knew I was seeing him. I told her thank you for releasing what God said to me. But when I walked away, I did not want to believe it and I was not going to stop seeing him because the sad truth is he already had a grip on me. As a result, I did not heed to God’s voice, and I paid dearly for it.
See God knew what was going to happen to me. God sees the end from the beginning. He knew what pain I would endure. He knew I was going to compromise and yet He loves me so much that He put it in the heart of a sister to warn me. He was giving me a way of escape and I did not listen. God gives us free will and I chose to ignore. It is the truth. Because I chose to ignore, I had to go through my process. However, as the healed version of me now looks back upon my life. Only looking back to reflect on how far I have come I can remember the time I would pray for this moment of my life. I would pray, “Lord, I cannot do this without you. Please remove this thing that hinders my relationship with you. Please remove it out my life.” I felt like I was losing my soul and I knew in my heart it is not what I wanted, and I knew it was not what God wanted for me. But I found myself in this bondage. I found myself in this cycle and no matter how hard I tried to get out of it - I could not.
Fast forward. Because of that decision that day I had to endure a healing process from that man. Step one – Admitting you have a problem. Whatever that may look like admitting and acknowledging is a must. As I started my healing process, I had to feel somethings and it always did not feel good, but it was necessary. See when you are healing you must confront things that we like to usually ignore and push under the rug because it is easier on the mind, body, and soul. But we must be honest with ourselves. We must face the hard truths and act on it. Remember this is a process and complete healing does not happen overnight. God will start in one area and then move onto another area that needs attention. I can remember one day feeling frustrated and I called a friend, and we started talking about what I was feeling. As she listened to me quietly and when I finished venting. She said, “Myra, I hear God saying, find the root.” Find the root.” My soul became quiet. And I knew that is what I needed to do. I started to pray about it. See a root provides the anchor needed to keep a plant in place. Most importantly, roots are the lifeline of a plant, taking up air, water, and nutrients from the soil and moving them up into the leaves, where they can interact with sunlight to produce sugars, flavors, and energy for the plant. See if the root is bad, you must kill it. You must yank it up and out! There was root in my life that allowed me to continue in a vicious cycle of allowing men to treat me without regard. There was a root in my life that allowed me to operate in the spirit of rejection. There was a root in my life that allowed me to not see myself as God saw me. There was a root and it was feeding my life and the decisions I was making. And if I did not identify the rotten root it was going to kill me mentally and spiritually.
As time went on God allowed me to discover the root in my life that allowed to remain in this vicious cycle. Even when I tried my hardest to get out of it. It all stemmed from my childhood. I came from a broken home, my mother always worked and was never present. I do not negate the fact she did the best she could with what she had. My dad was absent in my life, so I never had a father daughter relationship. So, you can imagine the rest. The little girl only new how to survive with what she was given, and I took that into my adult life. I did not know how to properly love because I never was in the most important times of my developmental years of my life. The little girl in me was never nurtured. This was the root of my decision making and the choices I made in my life. But I am so thankful for the love of Christ. I am so thankful for the praying women in my life. I am so thankful for God’s word that taught me, “for her worth is far above rubies.” I am so thankful that God allowed me to learn how to love. I am so thankful I was taught my identity is in Christ. It changed everything for me. Everything. The way I am with my children, my family and people I engage with. I no longer put myself on clearance for anybody! I know my value. I know my worth. I know who I am in Christ. I am the daughter of the Most High. I am the daughter of a King.
Today I leave you with, Identify the root in your life that prevents you from living a life of freedom.
“Do not fear, I have redeemed you, I have summoned you. You are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)
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